I was hoping I would get some writing done tonight, but it didn't go as well as I thought. I'm tired, and my sleeping habit this week is the worst possible, which affects my brain a little. On top of that, my anemia has been killing me, literally. I spent the day feeling weak and more tired than ever.
When I write, I have the strange tendency to tune in my characters' feelings. For instance, if I am writing about sad moments, I often feel a little down the 10 minutes or so after I'm done writing. If I describe a party or some other interesting social event, I feel just as excited and overwhelmed as I would have felt in real life. And, oddly enough, my mood also deeply interferes in my story. Happy days will trigger happy moments in my characters' lives, and sad days will bring disgrace upon them, poor things. We're all interconnected for better and for worse.
In general, I consider this literary-emotional engagement a blessing. It is good to be able to feel my characters' feelings, which allows me to describe emotions more accurately. At least I think it is, as long as I don't develop schizophrenic signs, right? The only problem, however, is when I am tired. Feeling exhausted brings nothing inspiring, unless I am writing about a character who's complaining about his work load. At this point in my book, I should be shaping up a few characters' tense meetings and then describe the most bizarre Halloween party. (And I might be hallucinating, but I just now heard a lion roaring outside. I sure hope it was just a neighbor yawning, otherwise I'm going to have to watch my remarks from now on on this blog). Anyway, at this point in my novel my writing needs to be more focused and engaging, and it must not reflect a tired, burned out mind.
It's almost 4:00 a.m. and I should be going to bed soon. I hope this Sunday will be more productive and lionless. But, despite my existential talk about my writing habits, I am getting more and more happy about my career choice. It is hard to be a writer, and my writing might be trash (or... rubbish), but I simply can't give it up. I'm already too involved to deny what I am. And, if you're wondering.. I'm a writer!